Looking for Work During a Pandemic

It’s been 214 days since I’ve had a job. 214 days. I never thought I would say that, but this was my reality. Today, that changes. I am far from being the only one and far from being in the worst situation compared to a lot of people. It’s been a tough road to getting employed but what got me through it is knowing that I was surrounded by people who support me and that I wasn’t alone. I will never take that for granted. However, so many people can’t say that, so why did I feel so bad? Why did I have this feeling of shame?

I wanted to write about this because what I’ve experienced is something that many people have felt, which has been amplified in 2020 with the pandemic. The stress of losing a job, whether it was due to the pandemic or other reasons, wondering whether you can pay the bills or not, or even wondering if your unemployment benefits will come, is a lot for anyone. On top of that, you add the stress of knowing that a lot of companies are on a hiring freeze, that overwhelming feeling can easily overtake you.

Another part that came from being unemployed for that long is that every day that passes and every job that doesn’t respond, make you feel unwanted, invisible, and worthless. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done before, it doesn't matter how confident you are, these thoughts creep in no matter how strong you are. And, we have come to see people’s worth by what they do. For example, one of the first questions people ask when they meet someone new is: what do you do for work? When that’s taken away, it can be very hard to keep that sense of belonging and self-worth. Throughout the pandemic, I’ve been able to have interviews, go far in the interview process, and even got an offer, but after one week, I was let go due to COVID-19. Then, you look at the job postings again and you don't see anything at all because companies are not hiring. That uncertainty can be debilitating for anyone and we shouldn't be ashamed of expressing it. This year has thrown so many curveballs at us (I see you amazing parents juggling homeschooling, work, and everything else) with the pandemic, fires, and protests, that staying positive while looking for work during this time is not an easy feast.

Even though I have very understanding and supportive people around me who never judged me, I couldn’t let go of that feeling of shame, of being a burden and not amounting to anything. I always want to contribute, feel like I’m bringing something to the table, and not having a job for that long got me to think that I didn’t. No matter what faith people said they had in me, no matter how many interviews I got, it was a hard feeling to shake. I tried to use that time wisely by taking online classes, by building my website, and acquiring new skills, but I still very much felt down.

Mubadala Silicon Valley Classic 2019

You might wonder why I am disclosing all this and putting it out into the world. The reason is simple: I want people to know that no matter what their situation is, their feelings are valid. You are not alone in feeling like this and most importantly, YOU ARE WORTHY. You can always say, “other people have it worse than me,” and that’s probably true, but it doesn’t invalidate your feelings. This year has been extremely hard for everyone and we’ve had to adjust to so much, and nothing about it is easy. My hope is that by sharing my story, people can relate and not feel alone. Even though my situation is far from being the worst, these feelings are valid and shouldn’t be dismissed. And yours shouldn’t be either.

This blog is made to start a conversation, share our stories, and that if you needed a reminder today, you are valuable, you are a contributor, and you matter. So, I would love to hear your stories, your ways of coping, and create a community where people can express themselves about what they’ve gone through. Feel free to share, comment, or like if you enjoyed this.